February 20, 1998 Welcome back for another wonderful semester at IUP. Here's some news you can use. ********************************************************************** SNOW TUBING ^^^^^^^^^^^ KME is sponsoring a snow tubing trip to Seven Springs ski resort on Saturday, February 28. The cost will be $10 for every 2 hours we tube. We would like to leave around 10 A.M. Saturday morning. If you are interested in going, please let us know ASAP! We need to have the number of people going no later than Wednesday, February 25 so we can arrange for rides. Please either email Greg Faulhaber back (SBSD) or sign up in the math department office. Once again, if you are interested we need to know by next Wednesday. Hope to seeyou there! If possible, we would also like to have everyone chip in a little for gas. ********************************************************************** Need Help with your math class??????????? Math tutoring is available by both undergraduate and graduate students. Information sheets are positioned outside Dr. R. Stoudt's office (Stright 308) and in the Department office. ............................................................................... SPRING COLLOQUIA SCHEDULE Date: March 3 Title: Workshop Statistics Speaker: Dr. Charles Bertness Speaker: Dr. John Zhang Instit.: IUP Rating: G .............................................................................. Date: March 27 Time to be announced ** Title: A Systematic Approach to Developing Algorithms in Operations Research Speaker: Dr. Dan Solow Instit.: Case Western Reserve University Rating: G .............................................................................. **MATHIMATICA CONFERENCE** This year is Mathematica's 10th anniversary, and to celebrate we're hosting the Worldwide Mathematica Conference in Chicago on June 18-21, 1998. If you've used Mathematica or are thinking of using it, we hope that you'll be able to join us at this exciting and unique event. The conference will bring Mathematica users from around the world together to discover and explore the latest in Mathematica technology. The program will include distinguished keynote speakers, tutorials at all levels, and presentations and demonstrations of Mathematica in action--in engineering, in finance, in industrial research, and in technical communication. Several presentations will showcase the revolutionary new features of Mathematica 3.0. To cap the celebration of 10 years of Mathematica, there will be an exclusive dinner and reception at Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry. Significant discounts are available if you register by March 31. For more conference information and an online registration form, visit our web site http://www.wolfram.com/conference98. If you have questions, send email to conference98@wolfram.com or call (217) 398-0700. _______________________________________________________________________ SEQual News: The Summer 1998 Workshop Dates: IU#19 June 21-June 26 Edinboro July 12-July 17 Villanova June 22-June 26 IU#13 July 5-July 10 Mansfield June 21-June 26 IUP July 19-July 24 For more information contact Elaine Carbone, Program coordinator at (412) 357-6239 or email ecarbone@grove.iup.edu or http://www.ma.iup.edu/projects/SEQual/index.html for online applications ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ON THE LIGHTER SIDE **** TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames. 2. Isaac Newton's birthday. 3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it. 4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin. 5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged. 6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy. 7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it. 8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one. 9. I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk. 10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it. --------------------OVER HEARD IN THE HALLS OF STRIGHT---------------------- How to Date a Mathie - a Self Help Guide DO 1. Carry paper at all times. If mathies don't have paper then who knows what they'll write on. 2. Carry a compass and a map. (Need I say more...) 3. Familiarize yourself with the literature influential to molding the mathie's psyche: The Hitchhikers' Guide trilogy ( you can skip the fourth book in the series: the one about love), Monty Python Movies and Star Trek movies and episodes are a plus. 4. Learn some math buzzwords and how they're grouped together. The actual mathematical concepts are irrelevant; the purpose of knowing is to get the mathie's jokes. Here is a starter kit: {whole, natural, rational, irrational, integer},{complex, imaginary, real, i}, {set, union, subset, intersection}. 5. Try to avoid references to the real world, this will only confuse your mathie. 6. Go to parties, movies and other fun stuff. Mathies aren't nerds, contrary to popular belief. 7. Ask for help with your math courses. 8. Learn to play bridge. This is probably what the mathie had in mind when s/he asked you if you wanted to be partners. 9. Make sure to inform your mathie that your idea of fine dining is not the Virginia Kettering Cafeteria. 10. Remember where the car is parked; I suggest the method of carrying around a Polaroid and photographing the car in relation to the parking lot. 11. When your mathie invites you to a gathering of other mathies be prepared not to understand a single word that they are saying, even if they use all English words. -- welcome to mathese. DO NOT 1. Announce "Puns are the lowest form of humor." 2. Go shopping for food, especially without a calculator! The mathie will ensure that you save that indispensable extra 3.33 cents by buying the super jumbo box of baking powder, even if it takes 3.33 hours to figure it out (and 3.33 years to use that much). 3. Go out to dinner with a huge group of people and upon the arrival of the bill ask the mathie to figure out who owes what to whom. 4. Say, "Well, you are kinda' cute, but I always thought engineers were better looking." 5. Allow the mathie to bring his/her laptop on a date with you. You +mathie = company (fun). You + mathie + laptop =disaster date! 6. Get an E-mail address. If you have one, don't tell the mathie what it is. Otherwise you may never receive a telephone call, letter or card from the mathie ever again. Some how 'I love you' just doesn't have the same resonance on a computer screen. 7. Be impressed with your mathie's knowledge of the Greek alphabet. Probability is that s/he doesn't speak a word of it. 8. Confuse the mathie's vocabulary with your vocabulary. HP does not mean steak sauce, chips do not go with fish, nor does reading the news have anything to do with Globe and Mail. 9. Ask a mathie to divide a cake or other non-parallelogram shaped food. Assuredly all the pieces will be exactly even, but you won't want to serve the boddly shaped creations to guests. 10. Ask a mathie, "So what are you going to do with a degree in math?" or ask a female mathie, "So I guess you are going to teach." 11. Expect your mathie to add, subtract, multiply, divide, or count with any speed or accuracy. *****FOR GRADUATE EYES ONLY!!!!!!!!! I am still looking for a representative to attend the Graduate Student Assembly meetings...If you are interested, let me know. **This would look good on a resume** Applications for May graduation are due March 2, 1998. The office of Career Services is sponsoring workshops on job hunting, interviewing techniques, and resume writing. I have a complete list of dates and titles, so just ask. Check out the bulletin board outside of Stright 219 for information on the Grant Writing workshop offered on Wednesday March 4. I have registration forms. MAY GRADUATES....We need to schedule your Thesis defenses or Internship Presentations as soon as possible. There are at least 4 of you out there ....so let's think ahead so you don't miss the deadline!